Category Archives: women’s health

May 17, 2011 · 5:52 pm

Can I optimize the terms of my Chemo Protocol? I don’t see why not!


So I have begun to think about my next treatment. It is only 1 week away. I know that in my first post I mentioned that I would like to speed up the treatments over the summer, while my kids are away. I think that is called optimization in today’s “business lingo”. So tomorrow when I go in for my pre treatment blood tests, I plan to sit with the Doctor and negotiate my terms for optimization of my chemo protocol.

Frankly I envision her either laughing at me so hard that she falls of her little round twirly stool, or she will just look at me wondering if I need a psych consult. Probably the later, since who in their right mind would think that Chemo Therapy protocols are negotiable. But if you think about it really, their is a small (ever so small) speck of rationale behind my thinking.

Years ago who would ever think that you could negotiate a better price for a classic Black Patent Chanel Handbag, or with a surgeon because you are willing to pay him in cash, or even negotiate with a college/university to pay less for your child’s tuition. These day’s I find that you can negotiate almost anything. Now it maybe a chemical reaction they are looking for with these drugs, but I still say PSSHAW! Well I really don’t, cause who really uses that word with a straight face. But you get my meaning, I hope. I have not been the typical patient yet. Not my disease, not the cause, not the outcome. Just ask my magnificent surgeon…Andrew Ashikari. Nothing about me has fit into the “book” of cancer’s, so why should my treatment?

Now not to boast, but I think I come from a family of “supremely gifted” negotiators; and I hope that I picked up a thing or two. Certainly my skills were somewhat stunted when I was younger. Being the youngest of 3 children (I have 2 older brothers), I learned the necessity of negotiating at a young age. My training started when I was 3. All I wanted to do was play with my brothers and their friends. While i did get to play with them, they still won the negotiations. They would give me like five minutes of play time as long as I would take the blame for some idiotic thing they were about to do. Like use crayons in catapults and shoot them against the newly painted white walls. My brother Andy, was truly the most gifted negotiator — and still is; he once traded me to his friend for a brand new baseball glove. It took my mother 4 hours to get my whereabouts out of him. After all it was an incredible glove!

As I got older, my skills still didn’t match up to my brothers.. Some how I spent a year doing the dishes every night (a chore that was supposed to be rotated), It wasn’t until after college, that my skills began to emerge. I had had a job as an assistant talent agent, at one of the largest commercial agencies of the time. Unfortunately, the 6 month Screen Actors Guild strike caused me to seek other employment for awhile. My idea was to be a Bartender – though I had no skills. I applied for several positions, obviously lying about my previous experience, and was offered 1. I had to trail an existing bartender for 2 shifts and then I was on my own. I told the bartender the truth about my experience, and negotiated my way in. “If you train me, I will give you all the tips from these two shifts plus my 1st solo shift. DEAL”, he said…and for the next 8 months I worked at 2 of the hottest bars on Columbus Avenue…Frankly making way more money than I ever did and having way more fun than I ever did.

But that all brings me back to My chemo negotiations, I have my sites set on being done with chemo by the end of August. I turn 50 in September, and I so want this behind me by then. The only way to do that is by going every two weeks, not every three weeks So if it is just a matter of getting extra tired, or queasy – so be it! I have no kids at home. Really it is my husband that will suffer the most. Our alone summers have been so romantic and enjoyable. Men, it is always about them and their needs isn’t it?

I guess there is always the chance that the reason I can’t do every two weeks is because of a chemical reaction, but since I haven’t had a normal reaction to anything else yet…why should my cells be any different. Anyway, I only hope my negotiations will

Practice Negotiations at the Wax Museum

work. But I guess if it doesn’t I can always try to send my brothers in to negotiate for me.

Talk to you all soon.

Carol
@funnycancermom

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Filed under Andrew Ashikari, Ashikari Breast Center, breast cancer, Cancer, Cancer Day to Day, Cancer Vixen, Chemo Therapy, coping with breast cancer, Facing Cancer with Humor, Health, Humor, inspirational, motherhood, Positive Outlook Stories, Race for the Cure, stay at home moms, support, Susan J Komen Foundation, the cancer made me do it, Think Pink, ThinkPink, women's health

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May 14, 2011 · 1:29 pm

Chemo Can Affect Your Memory…Ya Think!


Hi
The other morning I was scanning the NY Times on My IPAD. (I say that to sound groovy and technologically savvy – of which I am neither). But I came across an article that was titled “Chemo Brain can last for up to five years.” CRAP! Chemo Brain is very similar to pregnancy brain (boy we women just get all the fun stuff don’t we!). Anyway, it refers to your Short Term Memory…or really the lack there of. Now frankly, I get pregnancy brain, because we women spend 9 months trying to avoid focussing on the crippling pain of child birth. We do such a good job at that, That is until the delivering or 2nd or 3rd delivery that women are often heard screaming “why the hell did I let you get me pregnant again!” (usually the words sound much more venomous than that) But of course once that bundle of joy is in our arms — POOF! the memory of the pain is gone.

But the thought of Chemo Brain bothers me. I pride myself on my memory. I have always been able to store and recall facts, figures, phone numbers, names, and data in my head (with great detail). Even at work, though my desk was a mountain (and that is a true description) of papers, invoices, photos, fabric swatches, button samples, and other garment paraphernalia; I could recall exactly what strata the necessary document was in. Easy retrieval — co-workers would watch in awe — that there really was a system in place there! Though it was rumored that the pile was so big and old that Jimmy Hoffa’s body maybe at the bottom.

But to get back to the Chemo Brain I suffer at present, I must tell you about my day tuesday (it may have been Monday). Since I can’t tell you what I had for Breakfast this morning you’ll have to forgive the approximation on the days. Anyway, I realized I must get myself a book to carry around with me at all times, to write things down in. Otherwise the information will be lost forever. So this particular morning I knew I needed some food at the grocery store so I wrote my 8 items in my book, put my book in my handbag and got in my car to go to the store. Before I left my driveway I realized I didn’t have my phone, so I put the car in park and ran back into the house. As I entered my home the phone was ringing, so I answered it. My good friend and I chatted for about 10 minutes until the doorbell rang. The Fedex man needed me to sign for a package, which I did. Before he walked away he said :”You know your car is running.” Sh**! I totally forgot I was going somewhere. I said goodbye to my friend and got back in the car. I drove about 1,000 ft. and again said Sh**! I forgot my phone. So in reverse I went and got my phone, and back on the road again.

Finally, after 1 hour of me leaving, I arrived at the supermarket (which is only 5 minutes from my house). Just arriving inside the store gave me the most ridiculous sense of accomplishment. I felt a like Marlo Thomas on the corner of The NYC street throwing her hat in the air. I just wanted to scream to everyone “Look I made it to the Grocery Store all on my own….” Sad but true! Anywhoooo…my shopping experience was even more fun….

As I started walking down the aisle’s and throwing items in my cart, I wasn’t really paying attention to how full my cart was getting. Something clicked and I realized, “Wait I have a list.” So I turned to my cart to get the book out of my bag and, CRAP – no bag! Immediate panic set in. “Did someone steal my purse? Everything is in it! Oh wait, what is in it? My book is in it?” As I stood talking to myself Clarity emerged. My bag is in my car — I think!” I abandoned my cart and went to the car. The HALLELUJAH CHORUS WENT OFF IN MY HEAD! There was my bag in the car, and my list too! Yeah.

Back into the store I went, but wait – where did I leave my cart. After looking like a Peeping Tom hovering over carts to find mine, I gave up and went to get a new cart. Now I that I had my book with the list I was set to go and purchase only what I needed. We’ll except for these pretzel rolls. Thats all I got extra. Well that and those just baked Brownies in the bakery. Those were only extra items…oh yeah, and the Cookie Dough Ice Cream, and nothing else, except for the whipped cream! But I swear that was it! That and the 8 items on my list, and I was good to go! Ya, Right!

The cashier is swiping my items, looking at me wondering how I could consume so much junk food. I turned to get wallet out of my bag, and realized “Crap, I only took in my book with the list and left my bag in the car.! With a line behind, I had to sheepishly explain to the cashier that I have to run quickly to my car to get the wallet. I saw his and everyone else’s eyes roll at the idiot that I am! Luckily my car was one in one of the closest spots, which I pointed to as I told him I would be right back. I felt the Cashier give this look, I think he felt sorry for me. Like I was some little lost puppy! He nodded at me allowing me to run out to get my wallet. As I exited the store I understood the look. I had left my car on, and the door open. I just wanted to run back in and scream, “It’s not me really, it’s the chemo. I am usually much smarter and way more together than this!” But of course I didn’t. I got my bag (thankfully we live in a low crime area – or I give off that “mentally challenged aura”), and went back in to pay the bill. Embarrassed enough I apologized to everyone on the line, especially the nice lady behind me, who said, “Don’t worry, I understand. I know what it is like sweetie, I have been through pregnancy before also.”

And I thought “Wow! I look young enough to be pregnant? Cool” or “Do I look fat enough to be pregnant! CRAP!” And just like that the events of the last two hours were out of my head. POOF!

Carol
@Funnycancermom

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Filed under breast cancer, Cancer, Chemo Therapy, coping with breast cancer, Facing Cancer with Humor, Health, Humor, inspirational, motherhood, Positive Outlook Stories, stay at home moms, support, the cancer made me do it, Uncategorized, women's health

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May 12, 2011 · 7:18 pm

Call Me, or Don’t. You Decide!


Today I got to go for a walk with a women I know who is cancer and treatment free for over a year. She was diagnosed with a different kind of cancer, more severe, but her prognosis and outlook are outstanding. While talking and walking (a skill I am exceptionally gifted at – really the talking part, but anyway) I realized that many of us that have gone through one of these treatments or another, come out on the other side with a clarity about what is important and what isn’t. I thought today I would talk about this part of having cancer. Not so much the clarity of life part, but the clarity of what annoys me part.

I know that those of you who have not been in this situation (which I hope that you never will be) may feel awkward as to how to call someone who has been diagnosed, or what to say to them when you see him/her. Of course there is no real handbook on what to say, or how to say anything. Could you imagine Barnes and Nobles carrying book that says “Cancer Etiquette for Dummies” or “Chicken Soup for the ones that want to say the right thing to a cancer patient.” Not a best seller. And, Yes, of course everyone is different and everyone wants to hear different things, but somethings I have found to be universally true. And by universally, I am referring only to the people I have asked.

I would like to start by saying how much I appreciate the thoughts and wishes, and I know your meaning is only with the best intention. Your are trying to soothe or comfort — and I know it! Frankly, sometimes you are so off the mark though; so I thought I would have a little fun pointing out some Cancer Etiquette Faux Pas. This isn’t like Donald Trump trying to teach President Obama a lesson in Birth Right etiquette…because where would anyone get the idea that Donald Trump has any idea of what etiquette is…you know if he can’t have his named stamped on it it doesn’t exist! Oh excuse me I went of on a tangent there, but I am back now!

Ok back to our topic, what to say and what not to say and how to say it! Let me give you an example of what not to do. I got a call from someone the night before my surgery. The first no no is that she called me from a her speakerphone in her car; her windows must have been open, because I couldn’t even hear her say who it was. I explained that I we had a very bad connection. You’d think she would the say she will call later, or close her window, or do something to better enhance the “conversation ability factor” but noooooooo, she kept right on talking. Did she not really want to call, but felt she should? Anyway, her conversation consisted of her telling me how much it sucked that I had cancer, Again! How terrible she felt! How crushed she was when she heard the news! And then the phone cut out. I figured she would call right back — NEVER HEARD FROM HER AGAIN!!!!! So let’s put this out to all of you, where do you think she may have gone wrong with this conversation…Anyone? Ok here is a hint — the entire conversation pretty much failed the etiquette test, the soothing test, and the comforting test. A Triple negative — a really bad thing in Breast Cancer results by the way.

Was it just a call for affect, or was she just so uncomfortable that she did this purposefully so she didn’t have to talk to me or hear from me at all. My advice to all of you. If you don’t want to call DON’T — insincerity and bullsh** comes through in the first 5 seconds. Remember Seinfeld’s bit on taking and holding a reservation. “Just because you take a reservation doesn’t mean you know how to hold the reservation.” Same principle, just because you called to be comforting doesn’t mean that you should have called and it definitely doesn’t mean that your words were comforting. Is it really that you think hearing you say how much my diagnosis sucks, will sink in that much more? As if to say, “up until this point I was fine with getting cancer for the 2nd time, but now that so and so told me it sucks I should really rethink my position.” I call it a given that you feel my diagnosis sucks!

Another common statement I have gotten was when the caller tells me “Oh my goodness, when I heard the news I had such a hard time dealing with it!” Again, really — do you possibly think that when I got the news I just shrugged and said “oh well” then moved on. No one wants or seeks out bad news,but now i don’t only have to deal with my own cancer, but I have to feel bad for upsetting you as well! Just sayin’ I got enough on my plate, I don’t need your stuff also.

Other favorites include friends who call once and then don’t call again for two months. And then when they call they automatically let me know how much they have rearranged in there schedule to find the time to call. or they say, “I am so sorry I haven’t called, my life has just been so crazy these days.” My life isn’t crazy at all people. I got all the time in the world. I’ve just been just with an ice cold IV pumping lethal chemicals into my veins and enjoying. Really? And aside from the queasiness and feeling like crap I have all the time in the world to just sit around; so feel bad that the “my life is crazy right now” statement doesn’t sound like a load of sh**! Honestly, I understand that you can’t call every day or week or even month, but don’t blame it on a busy life. I get it, we all find it hard to find time and that is okay. I understand busy lives. But maybe after you upload the pictures of you sitting around watching your kids baseball game to facebook, you can make a quick call to say hi!

And the last and most important is a statement that I know is truly well meaning, just no well implemented. “What can I do for you?” Don’t ask me, because I am a martyr and will say nothing. Tell me what you are doing. “I am bringing dinner Thursday, or I am picking up your dry cleaning Friday, or for the next month you have full use of my housekeeper to do your laundry, cooking, cleaning, driving your kids around. Now that would be awesome!!! So put that in your books as a great gift!!!!

Seriously though, I appreciate and love all of the well wishes. You don’t have to call and talk about the cancer. Frankly, that is why I have the blog, so I don’t have to talk about it 24/7. Call me about the weather, or American Idol, or the Royal Wedding (because yes, I am obsessed wit the Royals) Or just call to say hi! And no matter when it is or how long it has been since I last heard from you doesn’t matter. I am just glad to hear from you.

Speak to you soon.

Carol

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Filed under breast cancer, Cancer, Chemo Therapy, coping with breast cancer, Facing Cancer with Humor, Health, Humor, inspirational, motherhood, Positive Outlook Stories, stay at home moms, support, the cancer made me do it, Uncategorized, women's health

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May 10, 2011 · 12:32 am

This Dog won’t hunt (or peck)!


May 9, 2011

Everyday becomes a learning process for me. Life on Chemo Therapy introduces me to new sites and smells and sensations. But do I want to learn these lessons? Since I was never much of a student in High School I am not always happy to be learning new things. At the moment, I am learning the difference between nausea and queasiness. The difference can be as small as the words “infer and imply” — basically non-existence. The sensation I have been feeling begged the question… Am I hungry? Am I Queasy? or Am I Nauseous? Well so far it is a learning process, and I am being graded on a bell curve. It reminds me of the adage “Starve a cold and Feed a Fever, or is it Feed a cold and starve a fever…” Which one makes you feel better faster, or does either work at all?

For Mothers Day we went to see my Mom and Dad. My Brother and Sister-in-law were in town so we got to see them as well. So as long as we were going for brunch, my husband, children, and decided to bring the food from one of our local favorites. As usual, I brought enough food to them so they cold later invite their building and entire town for leftovers (maybe even enough left over to feed the troops in Iraq). Anyway the spread was Bagels and lox, Lobster Salad, Smoked Salmon Salad, Whitefish Salad, Cream Cheeses, Brie Cheese, OJ, Coffee, Fresh Fruit, Seven Layer Cake, Ice Cream, and I could go on. (But just repeating all this food brings my stomach to the edge once again).

Anyway, I had been teetering between feeling queasy and okay for days. I was being cautious with what I ate because I just didn’t know what would sit well and what wouldn’t. By the time everything was out on the table and time to eat, I felt okay, and maybe even “hungry” I guess I couldn’t quit discern the difference between the two feelings. By the second half of my whole wheat everything bagel with cream cheese/scallion topped with Lox I realized I wasn’t hungry so much as nauseous. And that was it. This was the instant I learned the difference. This is why the nurses tell you when you feel this way, just eat a saltine. If I had done that I wouldn’t have spent the rest of my day regretting my lunch choice (in so many ways I regretted it!)

It is true, my mind is playing tricks on me, or the drugs are. I can’t even tell the difference between hungry and queasy. Let me just digress for a second though, can I highlight the ever so slight “health food quotient here” – I had a whole wheat everything bagel!” Anyone who knows me is aware of my favor for white flour products and coffee. But I am learning to appreciate the granola crunchy ways of water and ‘healthier foods’. NO wine, no alcohol, no yodels or ring dings — is this what Yule Gibbons felt like?

I am learning all of these new things. So I guess you can teach and old dog new tricks.

Good Night and Good Crunch!

Carol

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May 7, 2011 · 6:53 pm

O’Hara Syndrome – Pro or Con…Discuss


May 8, 2011

I am innately independant I would say.  I started sleepaway camp at the age of 5,went to college at 17,  and after graduation I never lived home again.  I enjoyed being on my own.  Even my Senior year when I found out I had Hodgkins, I decided to stay in school and be treated up in Boston.  I don’t mean to imply that my parents wanted this kind of independence from their only girl (and youngest child).  I just never got the hang of asking for help.  Doing things for myself was just easier, and I usually was able to get the results I wanted.- and yes, with out having to utter the words “Thank You” to anyone else…Yes, Yes I hear you thinking “control freak much!”  But it is not totally that.  I do like to have control over things I can control. But, I think I just don’t want to add anymore to anyone else’s plate.  We all have enough to deal with.  so “DEPENDING ON THE KINDNESS OF STRANGERS”  (AND FRIENDS OF COURSE) has been a tough pill to swallow.  I like being the go-to gal…the one everyone comes to for help…the one behind the camera…My brothers are the same.  Though I often complain about them (lovingly only), it is important to give them credit for exceptional acts (But you must limit this to 1 a decade, otherwise there is just no living with them).  As an example:

My Brother was working at Ralph Lauren back in 1982 – when I was a Senior at Boston University.  I was going through radiation treatment, and had to travel every morning at 6:30 a.m. from my dorm to Tufts Medical Center.  Not a bad trip, but the cold Boston winter made it pretty brutal.  My brother would call and say, “I have a meeting at Filene’s” or at “Jordan Marsh”  so when I am done do you want to have lunch.  I was thrilled.  Honestly, we sat and didn’t talk that much, but just having him there was great.  It wasn’t until a few years later that I found out that these were not my brother’s account’s and he had no such meetings….He would just fly up — his way of checking in on me without without damaging my own sense of independence.  I also think he didn’t want to admit he was concerned for me being there without any family member.

Aside from his visits, I had a hand full of people who were tremendously helpful.  I have lost touch with quite a few of them over the years, but  I am ever and always grateful to them.

This latest tug-of-war with cancer has illuminated the most wonderful sense of warmth and kindness that surrounds me.  “THE KINDNESS OF STRANGERS” has genuinely touched my heart, has rendered me  awe-struck at the human spirit, has made me feel so humbled and honored by the out-pouring of support.   Irvington, NY is a small town, but we are big in spirit and heart — that is certainly what makes me proud to live here.

Even more important than that is in some of your posts I have been described as tall and skinny — and frankly, what more could I ask for.  Health can come and go, but weight is forever!!!!.  I have lost a few pounds, from the queasiness that I feel daily.  If Weight Watchers could only make a pill that brings this on, Diets would become obsolete.  I am not sure that this feeling will last until the next treatment (I certainly hope not),  but there is that silver lining part.  I maybe able to fit into my bathing suits by August.   Since I can’t sit in the sun either I will have a nice white pasty sheen to my skin– Somewhat reminiscent of Scarlet (of course that was before she was forced to work in the fields and birth a baby).

I do want to end today by wishing you all a happy Mother’s Day or just a happy day.  I hope you will try to find the fun in everything that happens, because sometimes those little moments can keep you laughing for and through many days to come….

Let’s talk again soon.

Carol

(funnycancermom)

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Filed under breast cancer, Cancer, Chemo Therapy, Facing Cancer with Humor, Health, Humor, inspirational, motherhood, Positive Outlook Stories, stay at home moms, support, Uncategorized, women's health