May 9, 2011
Everyday becomes a learning process for me. Life on Chemo Therapy introduces me to new sites and smells and sensations. But do I want to learn these lessons? Since I was never much of a student in High School I am not always happy to be learning new things. At the moment, I am learning the difference between nausea and queasiness. The difference can be as small as the words “infer and imply” — basically non-existence. The sensation I have been feeling begged the question… Am I hungry? Am I Queasy? or Am I Nauseous? Well so far it is a learning process, and I am being graded on a bell curve. It reminds me of the adage “Starve a cold and Feed a Fever, or is it Feed a cold and starve a fever…” Which one makes you feel better faster, or does either work at all?
For Mothers Day we went to see my Mom and Dad. My Brother and Sister-in-law were in town so we got to see them as well. So as long as we were going for brunch, my husband, children, and decided to bring the food from one of our local favorites. As usual, I brought enough food to them so they cold later invite their building and entire town for leftovers (maybe even enough left over to feed the troops in Iraq). Anyway the spread was Bagels and lox, Lobster Salad, Smoked Salmon Salad, Whitefish Salad, Cream Cheeses, Brie Cheese, OJ, Coffee, Fresh Fruit, Seven Layer Cake, Ice Cream, and I could go on. (But just repeating all this food brings my stomach to the edge once again).
Anyway, I had been teetering between feeling queasy and okay for days. I was being cautious with what I ate because I just didn’t know what would sit well and what wouldn’t. By the time everything was out on the table and time to eat, I felt okay, and maybe even “hungry” I guess I couldn’t quit discern the difference between the two feelings. By the second half of my whole wheat everything bagel with cream cheese/scallion topped with Lox I realized I wasn’t hungry so much as nauseous. And that was it. This was the instant I learned the difference. This is why the nurses tell you when you feel this way, just eat a saltine. If I had done that I wouldn’t have spent the rest of my day regretting my lunch choice (in so many ways I regretted it!)
It is true, my mind is playing tricks on me, or the drugs are. I can’t even tell the difference between hungry and queasy. Let me just digress for a second though, can I highlight the ever so slight “health food quotient here” – I had a whole wheat everything bagel!” Anyone who knows me is aware of my favor for white flour products and coffee. But I am learning to appreciate the granola crunchy ways of water and ‘healthier foods’. NO wine, no alcohol, no yodels or ring dings — is this what Yule Gibbons felt like?
I am learning all of these new things. So I guess you can teach and old dog new tricks.
Good Night and Good Crunch!