May 8, 2011
I am innately independant I would say. I started sleepaway camp at the age of 5,went to college at 17, and after graduation I never lived home again. I enjoyed being on my own. Even my Senior year when I found out I had Hodgkins, I decided to stay in school and be treated up in Boston. I don’t mean to imply that my parents wanted this kind of independence from their only girl (and youngest child). I just never got the hang of asking for help. Doing things for myself was just easier, and I usually was able to get the results I wanted.- and yes, with out having to utter the words “Thank You” to anyone else…Yes, Yes I hear you thinking “control freak much!” But it is not totally that. I do like to have control over things I can control. But, I think I just don’t want to add anymore to anyone else’s plate. We all have enough to deal with. so “DEPENDING ON THE KINDNESS OF STRANGERS” (AND FRIENDS OF COURSE) has been a tough pill to swallow. I like being the go-to gal…the one everyone comes to for help…the one behind the camera…My brothers are the same. Though I often complain about them (lovingly only), it is important to give them credit for exceptional acts (But you must limit this to 1 a decade, otherwise there is just no living with them). As an example:
My Brother was working at Ralph Lauren back in 1982 – when I was a Senior at Boston University. I was going through radiation treatment, and had to travel every morning at 6:30 a.m. from my dorm to Tufts Medical Center. Not a bad trip, but the cold Boston winter made it pretty brutal. My brother would call and say, “I have a meeting at Filene’s” or at “Jordan Marsh” so when I am done do you want to have lunch. I was thrilled. Honestly, we sat and didn’t talk that much, but just having him there was great. It wasn’t until a few years later that I found out that these were not my brother’s account’s and he had no such meetings….He would just fly up — his way of checking in on me without without damaging my own sense of independence. I also think he didn’t want to admit he was concerned for me being there without any family member.
Aside from his visits, I had a hand full of people who were tremendously helpful. I have lost touch with quite a few of them over the years, but I am ever and always grateful to them.
This latest tug-of-war with cancer has illuminated the most wonderful sense of warmth and kindness that surrounds me. “THE KINDNESS OF STRANGERS” has genuinely touched my heart, has rendered me awe-struck at the human spirit, has made me feel so humbled and honored by the out-pouring of support. Irvington, NY is a small town, but we are big in spirit and heart — that is certainly what makes me proud to live here.
Even more important than that is in some of your posts I have been described as tall and skinny — and frankly, what more could I ask for. Health can come and go, but weight is forever!!!!. I have lost a few pounds, from the queasiness that I feel daily. If Weight Watchers could only make a pill that brings this on, Diets would become obsolete. I am not sure that this feeling will last until the next treatment (I certainly hope not), but there is that silver lining part. I maybe able to fit into my bathing suits by August. Since I can’t sit in the sun either I will have a nice white pasty sheen to my skin– Somewhat reminiscent of Scarlet (of course that was before she was forced to work in the fields and birth a baby).
I do want to end today by wishing you all a happy Mother’s Day or just a happy day. I hope you will try to find the fun in everything that happens, because sometimes those little moments can keep you laughing for and through many days to come….
Let’s talk again soon.