What can I say, this is my summer to enjoy. My children started at sleep away camp 4 summers ago. Honestly the 1st summer I was to consumed with whether the kids were enjoying/having a good time or not. The 2nd summer, I had it a little easier — but my sister-in-law had been going through chemo so I travelled out to help her a few times, so it was not a totally relaxing summer (no complaints though, I was happy to go and help). Then of course last summer was my turn…and needless to say, 0% relaxation was involved. Chemo, my Mom, and other family issues made for a summer I never want to repeat (though the kids enjoyed camp). So when it came time to think about what I wanted from this summer there were a few different scenarios.
1st – I wanted the kids to have a great and stress free summer….With nothing to worry about….CHECK
2nd – I want everyone to be healthy and happy…CHECK CHECK
3rd – I want to relax and do what I want, when I want and how I want….CHECK CHECK CHECK (so far)…but this last has lead to a small issue….
When I was young, I remember hearing stories about relatives (usually my grandparents siblings) had been taken by CONSUMPTION. It all seemed so common, and I could nt really understand what it was they were talking about. I gathered what they were saying was that CONSUMPTION could kill – and often did.
We since my children have left, I have consumed massive (yes I mean Massive) quantities of food…I have been eating with abandon (an odd old saying, but seems fitting). And as I got on the scale this morning…I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE….FROM CONSUMPTION OBVIOUSLY!!!!
I am back, and I missed writing to you all, I am going out for a walk now (because won’t that take off a good 5 lbs?) Health and Happiness aside, I really plan on enjoying this summer…but maybe I will get out more and consume less OR NOT!
Filed under a day in the life of a cancer patient, breast cancer, breast cancer blog, Cancer, cancer - self esteem, cancer blog, cancer has a silver lining, Carol Abramson - Funny Cancer Mom, crazy sexy cancer, Cristie Kerr, Cristie Kerr Women's Health Center, Curvature Wines, Facing Cancer with Humor, Funny Cancer Mom, humorous breast cancer blog, the cancer made me do it, Uncategorized
Yesterday was an extraordinary day for me. Through a friend I was introduced to a women who was recently diagnosed with Breast Cancer. Her diagnosis was different than mine, but none the less she was going to go through many similar situations as I did. During the first few weeks, I could really hear the fear in hear voice…it grabbed me through the phone. It was almost as though I could visualize all of these crazy concepts circling around her head.
I would try to calm her with stories, or anecdotes about my treatment, or my mom’s and even my sister-in-laws..but It was hard. I do remember that the first few weeks after diagnosis everything seem so rush rush…to then have to wait for all the results…It is a massive sensory overload. Think of being tickled, frozen, rained on , pin pricked, and slapped all at the same time. Your mind doesn’t know which sensation to address first.
Anyway, after a few weeks she was calmer (especially knowing that her chance for long term survival was excellent). As chemo began, she unfortunately got several side affects, and then a cold…so she had to stop. Just for 2 weeks (1 cycle) though.
So yesterday, I went down to the city and met her and her friend (the one that had given her my name) so we could sit together at chemo. She is a doll. Funny, and hopeful, and lovely. And it was a great day because she was given really good news that her tumor was really responding will to the medicine (and was shrinking). I watched her crumble a little at the good news (It was a good crumble). Her tears were touching and they wordlessly expressed how much of a relief it was to get that news. SH, I was glad to be with you….
Some may have a concern that I am becoming to emotionally invested in all of these women I talk to. But I say not so. It is basis of what makes me want to start this foundation. I do it to help – that is for sure…BUT I DO IT BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD! IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER…not better than anyone, just better about my past. And I don’t want to ever stop feeling better.
I hope everyone has a reason to feel better.
My friend Audrey called me today, to say hi and check in. During the conversation she asked me if I was going to write a book. I told her I had my reservations about doing so – and gave her a few reasons. She said it would be great if I could share my story with others, because she found it so inspiring. I am not bragging, but I have heard this before. But every time I hear it I have the same reaction. Discomfort, awkwardness, and utter confusion.
I assure you, I am neither humble, nor self-sacrificial… I just don’t get it! Inspirational, why? Admirable, really? I have had cancer…twice? Not so admirable, believe me! If I was given the option, I would wish to “not have a reason to write a blog!”.so not so inspirational. What I do have is the desire to make it easier for someone else, after me. That is a maternal thing I believe. Didn’t your mother always say “If I knew then what I know now…” (Yeah, I know I hated when she said it too); but she was right, and that is all I am trying to do. Give someone in the future a little hindsight into my past!
Some of my Dr.’s have had patients call me to talk, and some friends have passed along my blog to friends, or have asked me to speak with a friend or relative. I am an open book. I don’t do it for admiration, or for adulation…I do it because I know how scary it is. I know what it is like to be young and diagnosed…I know what it is like to be old (older) and diagnosed. I have had full body radiation, and chemotherapy. I have had internal and external organs removed, (and yet I still gain weight! Go figure). I have definitely earned my credentials as an expert patient!
So for right now, no book! I would be happier if no one needed to seek this kind of information, the “cures” are still a ways off. In the mean time, I am here…to give you advice, or just to listen, to tell you a funny story, or an embarrassing one (of which I have many). I am who I am – and that is all I want to be – for now anyway!
Enjoy the day!
Filed under a day in the life, breast cancer blog, cancer blog, cancer has a silver lining, Carol Abramson - Funny Cancer Mom, coping with breast cancer, Cristie Kerr Women's Health Center, Funny Cancer Mom, humorous breast cancer blog, living beyond breast cancer, motherhood, motivate, tim Tebow, weight gain on chemo therapy, weight watchers, women of westchester, women's health