I believe that honesty is the best policy. If you can’t admit to it, then you know it is wrong. Well I will admit it…Over the last year I got BIG. 30 lbs bigger than I was before Cancer. And it really sent me into a tizzy. I know how silly that sounds that my weight can phase me more than my health. But it can. I am the type of individual who cares about my appearance. Not in the “designer clothes” sense…just in my appearance. How that appearance is perceived.
It is along the same lines as when I lost my hair. I gave off the appearance of being “sick”…and even though I had cancer, I never considered myself “sick”. I may be generalizing, but I believe women feel that Hair and Weight are also personality traits — I mean a bad hair day can alter your personality for the day. Now, due to the cancer, I won’t have bad hair days anymore. No, not because I don’t have hair…because I do. But because the way it grew in is so cute, that I am going to keep it short and silver…A friend called me a Silver Fox the other day, and I liked it. So that part of my appearance is in check.
So lets get back to the weighty issue at hand. Weight. I am not here to say that I am obese, but I am large for me. My bones ached constantly from the additional weight they are carrying; I would loose my breathe easily when walking up stairs or exerting myself at a rapid pace. And my internist and cardiologist confirmed it…(and to think I call these two my friends as well) — I suffered from DECONDITIONING. Over-weight and out-of-shape for us laymen! As he said in the movie NETWORK…”I was mad as hell and I wasn’t going to take it anymore.” So off to Weight Watchers I went. That was 6 weeks ago. I have had good days and bad days on the diet but this morning I got on my scale (not their’s yet cause I wear clothing there…Thank god!) But on my Scale I reached 169.9 Lbs. That is down 13 LBs. 13 is my new lucky number. I have been doing exercise and dieting and it is really making a difference.
I was so happy when I saw that I went right down stairs and had a donut…JUST KIDDING! But I thought about it! I have 17 Lbs to go before I hit my goal…which honestly was the heaviest I had been in 10 years, but right know that weight will be fine.
So I guess, after my anniversary from surgery was yesterday (if you remember, I had re-named my double Mastectomy day “Erin go Brahless Day”) I didn’t worry about my weight during treatment (MUCH), but it has weighed heavy on my mind (& body) since…So I see this as another step in my recovery…
I will soon “Tip the Scales of Time” in my favor….and once again will be as “light-hearted” about this issue as I was about my cancer.
Even my puns have gotten a little thin….