Wow! Here I am “2 weeks post cancer treatment”, and I feel like it never happened. Well MORE or LESS it is true. I remain firm with the belief that this is in my past, and I have a long future ahead of me. So I am “MORE or LESS” back to normal….or am I.
I find myself a little MORE skittish about things. My friends are being nice (but I bet it will begin to drive them a little crazy). I am LESS inclined to be a passenger in a car. I have become that person that uses the invisible brake on the passenger side floor. The invisible pedal that annoys the driver (this is my way of apologizing for being so annoying – I get it). For some reason I have become very nervous. I assume it is a control issue. I had no control in getting cancer…so I am looking I am naturally looking to take control of what I can. I would think this feeling will calm down in a little bit (I hope).
I find I am MORE likely to decline Dinner or “Evening Out” opportunities (mostly because I still seem to fall asleep before 9:00), and LESS likely to veer far from my children (something they are finding particularly annoying).
I am MORE introspective and philosophical (as my brother says), and LESS caring about my appearance. I definitely need to re evaluate this second part because, while their is so much MORE of me to love I would prefer the adoration be LESS Body mass related and MORE Personality related. Face if the MORE LBS.on the scale translates to LESS clothes that fit the body. And I am particularly fond of clothing, so I think it prudent to stay in a weight class that I can be comfortable in them.
I find I am MORE interested in getting my life organized, but have LESS focus to actually accomplish that task — at the moment. I can sit and try to go through a pile of papers and an hour later, still get nowhere…It is somewhat frustrating. The upside of this is that now I have at least been giving myself an A+ for the effort.
I think, I just want MORE of my old life back, and I am LESS willing to wait for it. I am trying to make it happen now. So bare with me a little bit. Because it is MORE likely than not, that I have changed, and LESS likely that I will be the same woman I was before.
So I hope that the new me is okay or even better — MORE or LESS!
5 responses to “MORE OR LESS”
Carol, None of us are the same day to day, my husband does not seem to suffer from this daily change, but I certainly do. Some days I want full control, and others I want none at all. I can be willing to have anyone and everyone take charge. Who knows, hormones, age, whatever. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Enjoy the process, it beats the process that you have been through for the past months.
You are certainly ok(nope…actually WONDERFUL) just the way you are. However, know that this faze too shall pass. And , while you will still be wonderful, life will become more ” back to normal” (whatever that means?)
1. You always use the invisible brake—pre and post chemo.
2. You look so fantastic with the new ‘do’
3. Organizing your crap was never your forte
4. I totally adore/love you– pre/post and in between aaaaa llloooottt!! xoxoxoxox
Carol, darling, we all adore you, more OR less! Just so happy this is in your past. Bring on that future! xoxxo
Carol, give yourself some slack and take it one day at a time! Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a PRESENT! Glad you are doing better. You have been through so much, I hope the new year is a healthy one for you!!!