Category Archives: herbert grossman

Emotions Run High! Israel Day 3




Today was a day of Raw emotion.  Today we got the chance to visit the Aish Building.  A magnificent structure perched just above the Kotel (The Western Wall).  We started the day listening to Lori describe different kind of personalities…And Lori… I am pretty sure that I am a Bracha TOV..

I must admit that I thought I would not be as into all of these lectures (before I came on the trip)…But I have hung on every word so far..After our morning meeting, we were given an  opportunity to meet women who have made the decision to move to Israel  and raise their families here.  The explained their reasons and told us about their lives and how “content they are”  It was a lovely morning.

But after lunch is when I felt like I peeled off all of my outer layers and exposed my raw emotions .  And it came up on me without any warning.  We walked from Aish to the Kotel.  I had a bag of notes to stick into the cracks…which were already dripping with notes.  But luckily I found some spaces to place them.  Then I placed my hand on the wall, and thought.  Thought about my Dad, about my sister-in-law, about friends and family….and from deep down, the tears began to fall.  They were not sad tears…The were tears of enlightenment!  Not Shiedel and long skirt forever type of enlightenment…But “Wow” I really do feel connected to somehting….kind of enlightenment.  And it was awesome.

After we went and toured the old city.  A place that has seen destruction and  rejuvenation, disaster and delight…And for a moment I felt the glory of being in israel.  It was a day of nonstop events.  The Tunnel Tour was unbelievabel.  As was our Tour Guide ETON.  He was interesting and passionate…and kept us interested.  Which let me tell you was hard.  WE have been going for nearly 72 hours on a very little amount of sleep.  The emotions of being there  filled me with such joy, such saddness, such elation and such wonder.  I felt many things there.  I felt  my Dad, Steven and Sharon, and most of all something I never felt before — a new connection, an additional connection…I will cherish every minute of it

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ASKED AND ANSWERED, AND NOT A WORD SPOKEN


dad at busch gardens

Sometimes firsts are good.  The first time you ride a bike, the first time you eat ice cream, the first kiss, the first kid (just kidding both of my kids are terrific).  Firsts are meant to be moments that you will always remember.  But honestly, some firsts you just want to forget.

This is what I am feeling today.  Tomorrow is my father’s birthday.  He came so close to making it to 85.  His death in October was surrounded by such craziness, that I am not sure anytime was really given for grieving.  I mean we mourned, but so much went on in just a few short days of his death that all of those extra emotions kind of got lost in the hubbub.

At the end of September we planned moving my parents to Florida.  Nov. 5 was picked.  Flights were booked, movers were scheduled…and the packing was able to begin.  The process was physically daunting, but even more so emotionally.  My Father was already beginning his final decline (though we weren’t as steep his decline was).  I am sure he was able to register what was happening, and I believe it caused him to withdraw into himself even more.  Many have said he didn’t want to go to Florida…Maybe they were right!  He died on Oct. 21, and the moment the “Shiva” ended, we were hit with Hurricane Sandy; which didn’t even stop the packing and moving process.  Nov. 5 we were on that plan, and off to start a new chapter in my Mom’s life.

My mom and I were speaking earlier.  We speak both talk him all the time, and today my mom said, “but he doesn’t answer.”  Which made me realize something.  He certainly does answer.  He has allowed you to Segway into this new, exciting and privileged chapter of you life, without the heartache of feeling guilty (and you don’t have anything to feel guilty about).  This is his parting gift to you, the woman he loved for over 60 years.  Be happy and enjoy he says…without ever uttering a word.  You and the children deserve it!!!!

So I guess this first birthday with out you dad is also a memory…Know that I wish you here with us…But every day you are thought of fondly, and cherished even more….

 

Happy Birthday Dad….

Enjoy!

Carol

@afunnycancermom

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HOPE


Hope…What an incredible word.  It is what holds us in anticipation, and it is what can spark your individual greatness from within.  It is always looking forward at the possibilities, and cannot be held back in the past.  You hope for the future, you look back at your past.

 

Cancer has taught me a lot about hope.  Of course there is the obvious things to hope for.  I hope I get better, I hope my treatments are not “horrific”, I hope I make it long enough to see my children grow up (that was a big one this second time around), I hope I don’t get sick again, and finally, I hope that I not only get better…but I also hope that I don’t get bogged down by the ramifications of being “afflicted twice”.

 

Hope is what I wake up with every morning.  Some of my hopes are whimsical and shallow.  And that is okay.  While it would be great if those hopes were achieved sometimes, I don’t hold my breath for those. – rather, I enjoy the frivolity of the hoping.  You know those thoughts…”I hope I can lose 30 pound by Friday”, or “I hope I can eat this gallon of ice cream and still fit into my jeans tomorrow”, and of course, I hope to have the chance to meet Hugh Lurie, Hugh Jackman and Zac brown, because I am a huge fan.  These are delicious little nuggets that help me smile on days that aren’t always filled with smiles.

 

Then I have hopes that aren’t necessarily about me, but are about my family.  These are ones that really affect my emotions.  Because these are things I hope for my children, my Husband, my brothers and sister-n-laws, my nieces and cousins, my friends.  I want, no I hope, for them way more than I hope for myself.  My hopes for them are lofty and rich. I hope for them to get what they want, because I hope they will always be happy.  I know that it is important not to always get what you want, but I am a mother first.  And I hope, all the time, I can take away any pain or sorrow my children go through.  But I can’t always do that.  But I am aware that my children also have there own frivioulous hopes…And I encourage them…I think these are what is meant by “Hope springs eternal”…

 

My daughter, for example, hopes to be a star.  Her hopes don’t have a pathway to achieve this, or a definite area in which she chooses to become a star…She just hopes for stardom…and I hope she becomes one as well.  Though, she has no definitive pathway as to what type of “star” she wants to become…her hopes are lovely and endearing (and not unlike many teenage girls), and I hope to help her head that way (though honestly, I hope she finds another hope as she gets older).

 

My son hopes for more simple things.  New videogames, to be better at certain sports, and his biggest hope is that he never has to do homework again.  But of course this last one is not gonna happen.  But he can always Hope.

 

My mother, well I think she hoped that she would be okay when she moved away.  Well we were there this week, and boy she is okay.  She has a brightness and lightness to her spirit.  One which I haven’t seen in so long.  Her melancholy is present, but is being trimmed with hope that her next stage in life will have joy and adventure.

 

So I guess I just hope all of those I love to get what they hope for.  Because then I get what I hope for.  Who could hope for more!

Enjoy Today.

 

Carol

 

Funnycancermom

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My Dad


 

3/8/1928 – 10/21/2012

 

Please let me begin by saying that my mother, brothers and I thank you all for being here today to celebrate the life of our Dad, Herbert Grossman. My brother, Neil, being reticent to speak in these situations, has agreed to let me speak on his behalf. Our Dad was a multi-faceted man: And facet is such a befitting word to describe him, because it connotes a precious stone . And that is just what he was. A jewel; a diamond amongst lesser stones.

Our Dad was a man with a modest and tumultuous upbringing. Yet he forged an upward path early on. He started in the garment center by accident, but he was lucky in that he had a real passion for what he did. He found success and achievement within his first year. From that point on he would strive to create the best product possible…No exceptions and no short cuts. Believe it or not this was his greatest strength and also his biggest weakness. He truly was an industry legend.

He believed that as much as you got, you must always remember that you had to give back. Tzedaka is what they call it. There are many memories of Dad reaching into his pocket to give a dollar to someone in need, and often also stopping and having a conversation with the person. It was our Dad’s way of saying, “I am here to help if you need.” He was generous to a fault…it was even Scott’s and my wedding, when (after a few cocktails) he began to tip the entire wait staff who where wearing Tuxedo’s. (Which was a long list…because it was a black tie affair.) Thankfully our friend David followed him around to re-collect his generosity.

Another facet of our Dad was his incredible sense of humor. He was dry and quick witted. His jokes had us rolling, but mostly because he was laughing so hard by the time he came to the punch line. We couldn’t help but laugh along. We aren’t really sure if the jokes were as funny as we think they are. But we certainly remember the laughing. Another facet was how he loved spending time with his grandchildren. His pride and utter joy was always apparent when he spoke of them, played with them, or showed pictures of them to friends and acquaintances…he would just beam. Jane and Elysabeth were blessed with many good “grandpa years”. He never missed a birthday party. He loved to scoop them up in his muscular “boxer like” arms and chepper them on the face. Both of you would coo with glee. Sam, Will, Matt and Alissa didn’t have as many years with Dad at full strength, but the love and joy he had being with you 4 was no less. All of you were the truly joyful part of his life. You were a big part of that dazzling smile, and definitely what caused his inner glow.

There was one facet that sparkled brighter than any of the others. The brightest spark he gave off was the one that illuminated the love he had for our Mom/his wife of 56 years. She truly was his world. He even hired my mom to work for him back in the 80’s. For 30 years they would wake up next to each other, go to work together, spent all day at the office together, had dinner together, and came home; just to do the same thing over again the next day. They were true partners, soul mates…. in life, in love, in every way possible. Their love was special…it was epic.

Our father was a man of great convictions. Right or wrong, he was never indifferent. He did things his own way. And that held true to his death. He made it strong to his Matthew and Alissa’s B’nai Mitzvah. Being ever present in a room surrounded by his family and cherished friends. It was almost like he had orchestrated his own going away party. And in the end, he wanted just to go off quietly, and rest…which he did. Not a complaint.

Dad we love you truly, we will miss the twinkle in your eye and the mischief in your heart…. we know you are peaceful and at rest. Something you haven’t been able to do for many years. We feel your love, and we hope you feel ours. Rest well Pops (as Neil liked to call him)…We Love you,

 

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